June 10, 2013
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Tony Does Know
Echolalia can be an adorable thing, really. I may never fully know what is going on in Jack's school days, but I know what they sing. Sometimes it's something easily identifiable like "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Five Little Monkeys", while other tunes elude me, like the most recent ditty he chants that includes a string of jargon followed by the words "Sunday roast" (I keep meaning to ask his teacher about that one).
Often times his teachers can provide insight into the songs that I simply can't identify based on Jack's articulation of the words. There are some, though, that I'm not privy to hearing at home and I have to learn about second-hand from his school team, like this one that you may or may not have heard before...Toe-Knee-Chest-Nut
Toe-Knee-Chest-Nut
Toe-Knee-Chest-Nut-Nose I Love You!Of course, with Valentine's Day approaching, there is a renewed effort both in school and in private therapy to have Jack produce that Holy Grail of spontaneous phrases - "I Love You". They do so with the "Tony Knows" song, but they also do it with sign language; his teacher is trying to teach him to sign "I love you", but the "you" part keeps eluding him. Last Friday, I watched with glee as his teacher prompted him through the signs for "I" and "Love", with "You" being the hard part (that pointing...it's just confusing to him!).
Yet, when I try to get him to run through "Tony Knows" or signing, he starts screaming "NO!" I was at first dismayed, but then as the week went on I began to think more about it. I've read compelling arguments as to why we shouldn't prompt our children to say "I Love You", but I think it's just human nature for us as parents to want to hear those words. So, why would it be so hard for Jack to just say it when I prompt?
I began to think about the reaction Jack likely gets from everyone when he complies with a request to produce some form of "I Love You". I know that I gush with excitement, as would his teachers and therapists. Perhaps, are we going too over-the-top with our reaction? Could our praise of Jack be one of the things that thwarts the whole process?
Maybe it's not. Maybe I'm over-analyzing it. The one thing I know - even though I have to remind myself from time-to-time - is that I don't need to hear that spontaneously-produced, unprompted "I Love You" to know that he does.
I know it because I feel it. Love doesn't always come in the form of hugs and kisses and spoken words. I've discussed this very thing with my Dad before - love doesn't need reminders. It doesn't need anything but emotion. Love isn't an action; love just is.
So, in that sense, Jack is love. He doesn't need to show it. He's the embodiment of that feeling. Just being near him gives me the sense that I'm needed. That I have a purpose. That his world is better for my presence within it.
I'll wait, my love, to hear those words. I'll wait forever if I must. In the words of that song that your teachers are trying so hard to teach you...
Tony Knows I Love You.
Yes, my sweet boy. I know you love me. I know that you know I love you, too. No words necessary.
